Turn 10 Car of the Week: Audi R8
By: J. Mason
Working
here at Turn 10 Studios, even in such a lowly underpaid word-jockey
role such as the one I occupy, has its benefits. This morning I shook
off about eight beers of hangover, splashed on some
Aqua Velva,
dragged tail into the office, and grabbed the first of what will surely
be many cups of coffee. That may not sound like much of a perk, after
all, everyone has coffee in their office, but what makes my
gallon-of-coffee-per-day unique is the method of transport.
See,
at Turn 10 everything has to go to eleven. Triple-screen HD TV racing
cockpits, connected to 5.1 audio, with wireless steering wheels and
hip-hugging race seats. A trophy case of awards and memorabilia that
includes a race helmet signed by Eric Hélary, test driver for the
Peugeot 908 (available in Forza DLC) and winner of the 1993 24hr of Le
Mans. And in our lunch room, two
Starbucks Interactive Cup brewers.
It’s possible that, for coffee makers, these things go to twelve. Step
up, put your carafe under the spout, punch three buttons and after a
few seconds of evil clicks, farts and growls, you are rewarded with
64-ounces of rich Starbucks finest. Go Juice. The buzz maker. Heaven.
No more waiting for a whole batch to brew, no more pot of four-hour-old
staleness, we’re talking instant gratification in a cup. How else do
you think P. Rodriguez and I get these articles written every week, and
ON TIME!? Caffeine, baby!
There’s one other perk I get for punching keys at Turn 10 that I would like to share with you, my friends, and that’s the
parking lot.
Now don’t get me wrong, the lot itself is hell on earth; the spots are
too narrow, most of the spots are “compact” and too short for anything
other than a
Segway scooter,
and there are not enough of spots for everyone. In fact, there are so
few spots that we have valets to double park your car and a secondary
gravel lot to practice powerslides for additional parking. If you’re
late to work, you’re walking about 200 yards in the rain to get to the
office. Doesn’t that sound GREAT!? So you’re probably asking; why in
the world is that kind of parking lot considered a perk of working at
Turn 10 Studios? It’s not the lot, but the CONTENTS.
I took
a walk around the lot the other day, and here’s a quick sampling just from today.
Representing the Americas: Saleen S281, Ford Mustang Cobra, Chevrolet
Corvette Z06 and ZR1, Acura NSX, Dodge Viper GTS ACR, Infiniti G37
Sport, and even an old Chevelle SS-454. From Europe: Audi RS4, Lotus
Elise and an Esprit V8, two BMW E46 M3s and an M5, a Porsche 911 Turbo
and Cayman S, and a couple Volkswagen R32s. And of course there are the
Japanese cars: two Nissan 350Zs, a heavily modified Honda Civic, one
RX-8 and an RX-7, three Miatas, about five Subaru WRX STi and a lone
AE86.
With all that steel, aluminum and carbon fiber out there
you’d think we’d be jaded when a new car is released. Hardly. A week
ago something special entered our little biodome and when an email went
out to the team, not ten minutes had passed before twenty petrol-heads
from Turn 10 were hovering around it, inspecting and commenting and
just LOOKING. The office stood still, work stopped, palms sweated. For
grown adults, it was like we were 10 again and just found Dad’s
magazine stash. There parked in front of us, was a brand new Audi R8.
The R8 pedigree starts with the
RSQ concept car,
first shown at Geneva in 2003 and starring in the Fresh Prince Will
Smith flick, I Robot. The final production version sees ties to Italy,
where the Lamborghini Gallardo platform is borrowed, but instead of the
Gallardo V10, we see an Audi-sourced FSI V8. Some may guffah and
complain, “An Audi super car should have more than the same engine that
sits in the RS4!” Like Jules Winnfield says, just be cool Honey Bunny.
A V12 diesel concept has been shown and will likely go into production,
bumping total power up additional 80-plus hp. And for those of you in
more sunny climes, a drop-top is scheduled for 2009.
Now, you’ve probably seen the Super Bowl
commercial,
and you’ve probably seen press photos and read magazines and maybe you
even have put a picture of it taped to your Trapper Keeper, but it just
doesn’t truly take hold of you until you see it in person, look at the
curves and lines from every angle, and soak it all in. I could throw
down some numbers like 414, 317, 4.6 (horsepower, torque, and 0-60,
respectively) but that doesn’t really describe what makes this car
tick. It looks damn MEAN on paper, aggressive and fast, but in person
your perspective changes. Standing face-to-face with the R8, it’s
shorter and smaller than expected, but that smaller stature makes it
all the more intimidating. It no longer looks mean, it looks downright
evil.
The front grilles are positioned to suck in any other car
it approaches, grind them up and leave them a burning heap by the
roadside. The rear window shows the heart of the beast, pumping fire
and brimstone, and spitting anger out the back end. The massive wheels
are split spokes, sharpened to reflect shuriken lethality. In all
honesty, the R8 looks like a car imagined by Stephen King, powered by
volcanic magma, and molded in carbon fiber and aluminum by Beelzebub
himself. It’s dangerously beautiful. We wants it. We must haves it.
It’s my precious…
Ahem. Cough! Sorry about that, I don’t know
where that came from, just got carried away for a minute. Maybe I
should switch to decaf.
J.Mason is a crack automotive writer deep inside Turn 10 Studios. He’s one of the friendlies. Hired geek.